Yes, folks, the season is upon us. Time for those camel-toes to spring out of hiding once again! Finally the gents have a reason to strap their belts tight across their crotches (although that still leaves the question of why they must leave their tightie-whitie-clad butts hanging out behind but that’s conjecture for another post).
Today, I was in a courthouse. Let that sink in: a courthouse. A house of Law. Where Judges pronounce sentences and adjudicate cases. Where it’s probably a good idea to at least look like a sober, respectable, upstanding member of Society.
A woman walked by – young, blonde, pretty – wearing white pants. Very, very tight white pants. As she came toward me, I thought absently about the inadvisability of wearing such a skimpy black thong panty with such a low-opacity fabric, particularly since it emphasized the camel-toe action happening. She passed and I glanced back (don’t lie, you do it, too) and noticed immediately that her pert, round buttocks were notably void of any indication of black elastic. That’s when I realized that what I had taken for a black thong shining through the fabric must have been, in fact, a well-trimmed patch of Lady Lawn!
Ladies. Please. When purchasing those to-die-for white pants, let’s just remember a few simple details, shall we?
- Changing rooms are lit from above. Those adorable white pants might not provide the coverage you want once you get them out in direct sunlight. Take them outside and *ask someone* “can you see my underwear through these?”. And yeah – wear underwear. Nobody wants to buy a pair of pants with your crotch ooze on them.
- Don’t strike a pose when trying them on. Standing in front of the mirror with your butt sticking out back might produce the desired “thigh gap” but unless you plan on waddling around like a duck, you need to remember that once you stand up properly, it’s “Goodbye, thigh gap, and hello, camel-toe!”
- It’s not rocket science to figure out if you’re being a little too anatomically forward: if you find yourself with the urge to dig out your crotch, your pants are too tight.
- Wearing a panty-liner or full-on pad doesn’t help. It’s a simple fact that white shines through white even more than black. Don’t do it. It doesn’t even make sense that you’d be wearing white pants at “that” time of the month so just don’t.
Wear white responsibly!